Lost is over.
This was the finale cake for our finale party,
thanks to Kate Jacobs and the rest of our LOSTies.
I’ve sat at my computer for the past 23 minutes staring at those three words, reading them over and over, and realizing I have no idea what to do next. I’m not in the mood to talk about theories, or what the smoke monster really was, or where the food drops came from. I don’t know where Ajira Flight 316 landed. I don’t know who was responsible for the out-rigger shootout. All I know is LOST completely changed my life and that is something I can talk about.
And in order to do that I need to finish what I started and tell you what happened on the remainder of my trip to Hawaii back in January of this year. It’s taken me over four months to finish telling the story of a trip that lasted 4 days, but it’s four days that sparked the fuse that is going to burn for the rest of my life.
January 30, 2010
Evangeline Lilly is looking right at me. She has the biggest smile and the brightest eyes and I don’t think I’ve seen someone happier in my entire life. She is what awesome sauce is made of. And she loved my tattoo. I couldn’t tell from all the screaming that was going on at the red carpet, but she actually had a few things to say about it.
Check it out in this video, which I’m unable to embed here. Check It Out.
I went deaf for a while and I knew it was because Josh Holloway and Dr. Shepherd himself had stepped out onto the red carpet. I don’t know why, but something about Matthew Fox terrifies me. He seemed pretty chill circa 2004, but it seems that recently he’s adopted a Christian Bale “I Don’t Know How To Laugh” attitude. Or perhaps it is Matthew Fox who is terrified of us. That’s food for thought.
Either way, it was cool to see the cast interact at the premiere. Seeing them all smiling and hugging. Too bad they couldn’t all pull a Nestor Carbonell and leap the barriers to share the love. The only reason they didn’t is because they’d be ripped to shreds instantly like that French dude’s arm.
Slowly but surely the red carpet portion of the premiere began to wind down. The cast was swept away by managers and people on walkie-talkies. And this is when the night truly climaxed in ridiculous intensity. We had to get back to our seats.
Do you remember that scene from Season 5 when the castaways had to flee their camp after the sky began to rain flaming arrows? Yeah? So do I, because that is exactly how it felt to sprint through the sand, amongst 12,000 other fans, to try and find two fold out chairs you left 200 feet away at the front of this crowd. Serves me right for being the second person on that beach that morning.
Amongst this hostility and danger, the true colors of the LOST community showed. In the words of John Locke, “I looked into the eye of the island and what I saw was beautiful.”, and that’s exactly how I’d explain these fans. You see, a bunch of bottom-feeders decided they would walk off the street 10 minutes before the premiere began and would sneak into the spots we left open.
Lucky for us, Tour Guide Matt, who I’d met less than 3 days ago, and a group of Losties I’d met that very same day, were protecting our seats like Jacob protected the island. And as intense as that sprint was, I was completely moved by the gesture. They pointed us out and grabbed our hands and hauled us through the crowd, making sure we were safe and sound and ready to watch the last first episode of the show that brought us all together in the first place. It was amazing. And it was only the beginning.
We got settled, Damon and Carlton said a few awesome words, and then before we knew it, we were on Oceanic Flight 815 (after reliving the TRAGEDY of losing Juliet) and landing at LAX as if nothing ever happened. The beach was in silence, hanging onto every word. That is until a woman sitting ten feet ahead of us in the VIP section went into FRIGGIN LABOR and was ushered out by paramedics, SIRENS BLARING in the middle of the episode. If you’re going to have a baby, don’t have it during LOST. Please.
Time flew by for the next hour and before we could say “Namaste” it was over. Damon, Carlton, and the rest of the LOST cast said their goodbyes, and that’s when the most unsettling group of emotions took over. These people that I had just met, I was going to have to say goodbye to. Tour Guide Matt and I stuck it out through the sand and the rain and I’m pretty sure if I was living in Hawaii we’d be bros. We shared a hand shake and that was that. Heidi and I made plans to hang out the next day before we flew home, so our goodbye hadn’t happened yet.
Among the 12,000 fans trekking back to their hotels, I dragged my feet, hoping that if I took my time I could make it last longer. I saw limousines pulling up back stage where the cast was getting picked up. I thought to myself “Hmm…Maybe I can snag a high five from Nestor C, or get Damon Lindelof to sign my dvd.” And I even said a few words to God or Jacob or Whoever is out there to the affects of “Make It Happen, Dude”.
I made a 180 and pretty much ran to the curbside barricades and made it there JUST in time to see Damon and Carlton waving goodbye to all of us. That was it. It was done. I had just spent a couple of hours of my life within 100 feet of my heroes. That, I think, was the whole purpose for taking this trip. Sure, it was unbelievable to visit the LOST beach and trek through Dharmaville, but to be so close to the people who shape all of my career and life aspirations made it all so real. They made it tangible.
And walking back to my hotel I pondered over it, nearly in tears, that the only thing separating us from our dreams is distance. Whether it be time, or kilometers, it’s all just distance. Being in the right place at the right time and making all the right steps to get there. I was pretty bummed that I didn’t get to shake hands with Mr. Lindelof, but then again, its not something I necessarily deserved. I didn’t fight to go on this trip. I didn’t slave for months to save the money to go. I asked for help and it was graciously given to me. So it’s only fair that I get a simple taste of what’s to come. A hint of what lies ahead and it’s up to me to fight for it.
In the words of a bearded Jack Shepherd, “We have to go back.” And that is exactly how I’ve felt since coming home from Hawaii. That one evening spent on the beach truly screwed me up. I’ve become so completely dissatisfied with my job, where I live, my daily routine. I want those amazing feelings I had in Hawaii everyday, all day, forever.
As soon I was back in my hotel room I tossed everything I’d dragged to the beach with me onto the floor, pull out paper and pen and tried as hard as I could to write it all down. Everything I was feeling. Everything that was going through my mind. All the people I had met over the past 3 days and how badly I didn’t want to forget any of them. Tour Guide Matt, Heidi, Erika, Jo, and Blythe, the ones who even today I still chat with on a nearly regular basis. I didn’t expect to come home with friends and I came home with five.
It didn’t take me long to fall asleep that night. A mixture of shock, excitement, euphoria, and happiness rocked me to sleep and the next day would be my last in Hawaii. I think another comfort was the idea that there were 12,000 other LOST fans going to sleep with the same feelings I had. That the cast and crew of this one of a kind experience were resting while they still could, because before they knew it, they’d be back on set, hard at work bringing this story to a close.
January 31th, 2010
It took me five minutes to fold up my sandy Dharma Jumpsuit and put it into my suitcase. Packing felt like an impossible task, yet alone taking the elevator down to the lobby to check out. I can’t tell you how badly I wanted to text my mom and tell her I wasn’t coming home. I would just bump my flight and live on the island. Maybe get a job at Starbucks. I don’t know. I didn’t care. I just didn’t want to go home.
I met up with Heidi and had lunch at this fancy little joint in her hotel. I must say, I hate pineapple with a passion, but the pineapple I had in Oahu was the best thing I’ve ever tasted on a cheeseburger. The two of us shared theories back and forth, attempting to map out what would become of our beloved characters. I’ll be honest, I’m a bit of a spoiler whore. I was way too curious during season 5 and even though a majority of season 6 I knew what was around the bend, but thank Jacob I managed to control myself for the finale and made it THE FINAL SCENE completely unaware of what was about to take place. And I’m glad I did, because it was one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve had during the show’s six year run.
After lunch, Heidi and I shared a cab to the studio where LOST was filmed. I wasn’t up for getting arrested for trespassing on my last day in Hawaii, so we decided not to jump any fences. Exploring the outside of the studio was awesome, getting to see some of the set pieces and props that brought the show to life. The Donkey Wheel, the Hatch, and the drill that ultimately lead to the Incident. It was surreal.
Heidi and I trekked back to the Diamond Head Health Bar in hopes of visiting Pono (aka, Vincent) one last time, but alas, he wasn’t around. So we dined on expensive strawberry smoothies and hung out in the lobby of her hotel, waiting for her shuttle to return her to reality. We ran into Erika Olson one last time and she had a few cool gifts and a few good theories. It wasn’t long before Heidi’s shuttle arrived and we were hugging it up and saying our goodbyes. As she drove off I found myself pretty surprised. Like I mentioned before, I wasn’t expecting to come home with long lasting friendships, and the island surprised me, like it always has.
To be honest, I was terrified to go home. I was haunted by the idea that perhaps I couldn’t take this experience home with me. That when I got home I would slip back into my daily procrastinating routines. Never get anything accomplished. Never finish a screenplay. Never get out of my dead end retirement home of a town. Never relive the feelings I experienced in Oahu that week. I was horrified at the idea that if I left I couldn’t come back. Not to the state of Hawaii, I mean figuratively. If I left this state of being here in Hawaii, I could never get it back. I was scared of not knowing what was going to happen next.
To remedy this I found a Starbucks, a place I work down here in Florida, and plugged in my phone, tweeting and texting away my thoughts. It didn’t help that out the front windows I could see them dismantling the giant screen we watched the premiere on. Rolling up the red carpet, removing the steel barricades, folding up the chairs the cast and crew sat on. It was like watching your parents take down the Christmas tree in January. No wonder they did it when you weren’t home.
I turned my back to the window and tried to bust out one of my many notebooks. I buy a notebook with every paycheck just about. I buy notebooks and I fill them with ideas. Seasons up seasons of mythology for shows I hope one day people will travel 5000 miles around the world to witness with fans just like them. This is what the trip meant to me. It was like the beginning of a circle. I got LOST and want somebody else to experience what I did for something they love.
A quote taken from the finale “I hope somebody does for you what you’ve done for me” and that is exactly how I feel after this entire experience. If I can put pen to paper and one day, give somebody else the experience LOST gave me then my life is complete. I’ve also had my fair share of religion in my life and done with it. Now that’s not to say I don’t believe in God. I just don’t know who that God is. It could be the one spoken of in tons of books, or a dude living on an island somewhere, but whatever, my point is, I believe all things come from somewhere.
In a lecture the author Elizabeth Gilbert gave at the TED Convention, she said that perhaps our ideas aren’t our ideas at all, but maybe are on loan to us from somewhere else and its up to us to bring these ideas to life and share them with the world and if we don’t do it, somebody else will. I sometimes have no idea where I draw inspiration from, but it flows out of me so fast and with so much certainty that I can only believe that it’s coming from someone/somewhere/something much greater than just me, putting pen to page. And maybe that is how LOST came to be, and how it was used not just to entertain me and my imagination, but to shape the life I would one day lead, and the ideas I’d bring into this world, and the ideas those ideas would spark in others, and the people they’d inspire with their creations, and so on, and so on, until the end of time.
I started this writing about a four day trip I took to Hawaii and have gotten to talking about the end of all things and what this all means between now and then. I think that was what Damon and Carlton and the entire LOST team was hoping for when they set out to tell this story. To get us to think and to feel. To get out and explore our world, ourselves, and each other. To love and to allow yourself to be loved. To embrace strangers as friends. To move on. To let go. Lost did all of these things for me. And it also filled me with the desire to pay it forward. To write and one day produce something that I love and want to share with the entire world.
And who knows where we’ll all be when this happens. Where Tour Guide Matt, Jo, Erika, Neil, Blythe, and Heidi will all be when this all goes down. But who knows. Maybe we’ll all end up in a well-lit church at the end of it all? I’m definitely not opposed to that. For now, I’d like to say thank you. To everyone who pitched in a dollar or two, or two hundred, so that I could begin this journey. Thanks to the bloggers who inspired this trip. Thanks to the strangers who became my friends. And thanks to the cast and crew of the greatest storytelling experience my life will come to know.
Thank you.
Namaste.
